The Power of a Praying Wife- Chat Session 2008

In summer of 2008, the women of Christian Ladies Connect met together in our first ever Blog Talk Radio session.  Our Book Club selection was The Power of a Praying Wife, by Stormie Omartian.

In this episode, I encourage married women to help out our husbands through the power of prayer.

Listen in, be encouraged, and leave a comment!

 

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Parenting and Discipline/Balancing Act Book Club, pt. 3

Lori Arriaga of Christian Women’s Resources joins me for a 3rd book club session on The Great Balancing Act, recorded in the summer of 2006.

Listen to us as we discuss the art of disciplining our children and parenting.

 

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A Wife By Choice, Balancing Act Book Club, pt. 2

Lori Arriaga of Christian Women’s Resources joins me for a 2nd book club session on The Great Balancing Act, recorded in the summer of 2006.

Listen to us as we discuss godly womanhood, the art of a holistic, godly marriage, and the roles women Believers play within marriage.  How can we be a true helper to our spouse and seek godly marriage?

Listen into our conversation and see how Lori and I pulled some great wisdom nuggets from Pat Harrison’s book, The Great Balancing Act.

 

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Balancing Act Book Club, pt. 1

Lori Arriaga of Christian Women’s Resources joins me for our 1st book club session on The Great Balancing Act, recorded in the summer of 2006.

Listen to us as we discuss the first few chapters of the book.

• How we should faithfully pray for our families/husbands
• How to be free from fear in order to fulfill our callings
• How to live life as a woman of God by meditating on the Word of God
• How to take care of our physical temples – our bodies
• How to keep our minds and hearts pure

Listen into our conversation and see how Lori and I pulled some great wisdom nuggets from Pat Harrison’s book, The Great Balancing Act.

 

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Interview with Marilyn Hontz- Shame Lifter

Shame. Unworthiness.  Abuse.

It isn’t talked about very often, but is such an essential topic to tackle. These issues should be brought out to the open so that we can begin to deal with the feelings that lie beneath the surface, and become healed of emotional wounds of the past.

Shame Lifter is a book …you won’t want to put down once you’ve begun.  From beginning to end, Marilyn holds the reader captive to the emotional ups and downs she endured along her life’s journey.

You’ll feel like laughing and crying all at the same time.  Some of you may relate to her story.

In the end, you’ll be happy, knowing what the author knows.

I had the wonderful opportunity to interview Marilyn Hontz, author of Shame Lifter, about her experiences with the all-too-familiar topic for many women- including women of faith.

–Demetria Zinga,

Christian Ladies Connect Editor

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Marilyn Hontz, author of Shame Lifter

CLC Mag: In your book you talk a good bit about “critical self talk”.  Can you explain this term and how the issue affects so many people today?

Marilyn: Critical self-talk is a product of the negative tapes we continually play over and over in our thoughts. These are sayings like, “I’m not good enough.” “I’m worthless,” “I’m fat,” I’m so dumb.” We begin to believe these lies as truth and, sadly, those messages end up defining us. This kind of talk limits and paralyzes us. That’s why it is so important to know God’s truth and His thoughts about you. He views you through eyes of incredible love and extreme grace. Isn’t it interesting that while we wouldn’t think of telling our children or others that they were worthless, dumb, or fat, we often times have no problem telling ourselves those same messages. Just recently I read a verse from Psalm 119:29 (NLT) that caught my attention…”Keep me from lying to myself…” That verse concludes by saying, “give me the privilege of knowing your instruction.” Or in other words, know God’s truth!

CLC Mag: In general, how do feelings of shame affect moms and women?

Marilyn: Shame will affect the thoughts and actions of anyone, but I’ve talked to many women who believe they aren’t adequate as a mom, a wife, friend or person. Many live with lots of “if only” regrets. Shame bogs a person down and tells one, “You’re no good.” Often times a woman compares her weaknesses to other women’s strengths. Or she may feel that her children are not doing as well as other children and she ends up internalizing feelings of shame. One of the lies of shame is to believe that we are the only one dealing with a particular issue. As a result we may withdraw, or feel embarrassed, abnormal, or different from others. Shame makes us feel isolated – alone.

CLC Mag: What about parenting?  How does a person’s parental style play a role in the way she influences a child’s self-perception?

Marilyn: The parent is generally the first primary influence on a child’s sense of worth. In my case my dad’s and my mother’s parenting styles greatly influenced my self-perception. My mother was very loving and affirming. When she disciplined me it was for the purpose to teach – not to tear me down. She was kind and affirming. When I messed up she handled it with grace-filled words. I felt valued and loved by her. My dad’s style, however, was just the opposite. He could be aloof while at other times his style made me fearful. One day, for example, when I was four I was riding in the car and I started to cry about something. My dad got frustrated with me and finally stopped the car alongside the road and got out. He told me to get out of the car. He then set my small suitcase on the shoulder of the road and left me there while he drove off down the road. That experience made me very fearful, I wondered, as I stood on that deserted road if he would ever come back for me. For years I lived with the fear of being left or abandoned. Not only did his actions shape me, but his words did as well. He told me numerous times that I was “just a follower and not a leader.” I believed him and thought that meant I was not competent to be in charge of anything or to make wise decisions on my own. His way to parent me was more through punitive measures than edifying words. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue can bring death or life” Truly our words have the power of life and death.”

CLC Mag: It’s great to be able to point out the feelings once we recognize them.  What are some of the key indicators in determining if a person is wrestling with shame?

Marilyn:  If you had parents who were emotionally shut down you may not have been affirmed. That tends to give a child the message that they are not good enough. A person who has been physically, emotionally, or sexually abused will experience toxic shame. Or perhaps someone made fun of your body and to this day you can still hear their hurtful comments. Again, those kinds of experiences produce shame and unless dealt with, have a tendency to paralyze you. Here are a few other indicators that may reveal if a person deals with shame: he or she may tend to be people pleasers, yet they can easily put him or herself down. Generally they deal with daily self-rejection while, interestingly, at the same time, may tend to be a perfectionist. I believe one of the biggest indicators of shame, though, is a person’s negative internal thoughts. Recurring messages like: I’m worthless, unwanted, weak, dirty, inadequate, etc. If you know of someone who goes around saying those kinds of comments about him or herself, he or she is generally dealing with unhealthy shame and most likely have a shame-based perspective of life.

CLC Mag: In your book, you describe some very painful incidents with your father growing up which played a large role in your self-perception. Finally as an adult and after much prayer and reflecting you were able to deal with the results. How difficult was it to actually wade through the emotions of the past and start over again in your thought life (as well as forgive him)? How can others do the same?

Marilyn: To be candid, wading through the lies I believed, the emotions of my past and dealing with forgiveness was a long and difficult journey, but I knew it was a journey that needed to be taken. (It ended up being very worth it in the end!) I had to start with small memories. For example, my dad told me to make sure I didn’t stay too long at friend’s houses because they would get tired of me. The message I received from him was, “I am a burden.” Later on I had to distinguish what was truth in those messages and what were lies. By the way, I’ve found it so helpful to share the lies you believe about yourself with safe people – a “grace group.” I cited earlier about the emotions I went through when my dad left me on the side of the road. Years later as I thought more about that memory, the Lord enabled me to see that memory through a different lens for a deeper healing. At first when I looked at that memory I only saw a little girl standing along side the road with her small suitcase beside her. Finally, I was able to look at that memory and not only see a little child and her suitcase along the side of the road, but I also saw my Savior, Jesus standing next to me. He was crying with me. So often we get God and life mixed up. I was to learn that God did not leave me along side the road, my dad did. Jesus, however, was with me all of the time. He never abandoned me. That was a powerful image for me. Total forgiveness for my dad did take time, but thankfully the Lord eventually helped me to replace the bitterness and unforgiveness with genuine compassion and love for him. I saw the word, “give” right in the middle of the word forgiveness. Forgiveness is costly. You have to give. But then I think of Jesus and what it cost Him to forgive us and the “give” for Him was His life. If you are struggling to forgive someone, but aren’t there yet, I suggest a visual that author Chuck Lynch wrote about – The “Jesus Jail.” Mentally picture a jail cell and then picture putting the person who has hurt or abused you in that jail. This is a temporary holding place. You are saying to the Lord, “I know I need to forgive him or her, but I need your help. I am placing him or her in your Jesus Jail for you to deal with that person the way You want to. I am relinquishing this person to you with my hands off. I will not take revenge – I leave them with you.” Every time you start to have hard feelings toward that person, you say, “No, I don’t have to fret about this person…God is in charge of them right now.” It is so freeing when you, one day, get to the place where you open the cell door and release the person from the Jesus Jail. Actually, what you’ve done is freed yourself. Oh what sweet peace God gently rains down upon you as you allow Him to help you forgive a person who has wounded you.

CLC Mag: How did you cope spiritually and practically when your mother passed away? How can others who have experienced the loss of a loved one they depended on emotionally cope through their time of grief?

Marilyn: Spiritually, I found myself at a crossroad when my mom died. I had a decision to make. I could either blame God and move away from Him or chose to move toward Him. I decided to give God a chance. I had to transfer my dependence from my mother to the Lord. In turn, I became desperate for God. I’m so glad I did. He was there for me. Coping practically after a death of a loved one is different for every person. Some may find journaling therapeutic or talking with others may be helpful. You may want to join a grief recovery support group. Don’t ignore your feelings! Grieving is a process, yet the way people go through it can vary. I believe most people want to talk about their loss. I did. I wanted people to share a meaningful memory of my mom with me. If you know someone who has recently lost a loved one, be there for him or her. Listen. Send them encouraging cards once a month. (By the way, sometimes the second year is even harder because not so many people take the time to see how you are doing.) Email or make some phone calls. If possible, send them a card on the anniversary date of the death of their loved one to let them know you remembered. Finally, for me, the Bible was and continues to be a great comfort. The Holy Spirit is our Counselor and Comforter. He has used the following verse numerous times to help fill my grieving heart with hope: “Lord when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer” Psalm 94:19 Living Bible Version.

CLC Mag: When a person is rejected by someone very close to them, what are some practical steps he/she can take in order to move past the rejection into acceptance of themselves?

Marilyn: Rejection, no matter whom or where it comes from is extremely hard to receive. It’s so deeply personal. When someone has rejected me I try to remember that many times that person was hurt or wounded in some way. The saying is true, “hurt people, hurt people.” I’ve learned that I cannot fix or change that person. I can, however, ask the Lord to work on me as I go through that crushing experience of rejection. Here are some practical steps that may help if someone has rejected you: Is there a safe person you could share your feelings of rejection with? Or perhaps you could find a godly professional counselor you could confide in who would help you distinguish between the truth and lies that swirl around in your thoughts from the rejection. Sometimes writing a letter (NOT to send) to the person that has rejected you may help. It gives you an opportunity to actually see your thoughts on paper. Journaling about the rejection through a letter to God can also be therapeutic. And it could be that after all you’ve tried, you may have to set some boundaries or place some distance between you and the other person. Always remember, though, that there is One who truly understands what it’s like to be rejected – it is the Lord Jesus Christ. I Peter 2:4 NLT says, “…He was rejected by people…” How wonderful to know that whatever is going on in your life today Jesus understands and says to you, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” (Hebrews 13:5) You are His beloved child – you are royalty!

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To order Shame Lifter or to find out more about Marilyn Hontz, please visit the Tyndale publishing site.

Book Review: Anointing For Healing

Authors Melanie Hemry and Gina Lynnes weave together a series of inspiring true stories of how several people received real, authentic healing in their lives.

This book, a beautiful little package complete with a bottle of aromatic anointing oil, lifted my spirits and encouraged me to remember that Christ is indeed our Healer.

Contact your local Christian book store, or order directly online from Whitaker House.

Becoming A Woman Of Prayer, pt. 3

A continuation of part 2 of this study, in this 17 minute audio, I chat about how that when we are disappointed, it is the best time to pray!

Find out more about the books I am using for this study at this book study post:

Job was abused and attacked by his friends, as well as losing EVERYTHING he ever had.  Despite these hardships, he continued to pray and reach out to God.

Check out Luke 6:4 to find four things we can do to LOVE and BLESS even when we are hurt.

Listen to the audio below to hear the rest…

 

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Becoming A Woman Of Prayer, Pt.2

This 11 minute audio teaching is the continuation of the first part of my study on becoming a woman of prayer.

In this podcast, (first recorded in 2006), I continued my book study on Elizabeth George’s “A Woman’s Call To Prayer”.

I talk about some of the reasons women don’t pray- and give some encouragement in the area of keeping passion for Christ.

 

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Becoming A Woman Of Prayer- Pt. 1

Sometimes we  just need that extra boost of encouragement to go ahead and begin the daily act of prayer.

I know- I’ve been there – still going through it.

Although I am not perfect, I would love to share with you some things God has shown me about prayer- mainly encouragement on the “how to’s” of getting started with a prayer life.

Here is the book (and study guide) I referred to in the podcast:

Listen in (click the play button below) to hear my “teaching” on prayer, first aired on my podcast Christian Ladies Talk Radio in 2007.

 

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Life Management for Busy Woman, session 2

On this episode with writer and entrepreneur LaTara Ham-Ying, I discuss some disciplines of putting for the effort to spend time with the Lord.

Using our Book Club selection “Life Management for Busy Women“, We talk about how to balance out our lives as busy, Christian women, so that we are able to spend time reading and meditating on God’s Word.

 

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