Creatively Correcting My Children

I’m at a whole different stage of my parenting now.  This is just one of those seasons where I am just really into the throes of motherhood to the point that sometimes I keep attempting to peek beyond this season into the next.  It’s like bobbing up and down in a pool for a breath of fresh air.

And, you know, that may not be the best analogy for parenting.

I want to reiterate the fact that all mothers know: parenting is hard work.

Yet, I want to also note: parenting can be a beautiful process.  It all depends on which choices we make.

It’s imperative for me in my life right now, to take the reigns on my kids and drive.  While they are young and impressionable, this is the time allotted, the window of opportunity, for us (my husband and I) to speak into their lives and teach them those timeless truths they won’t learn any easier than right now.

And that, my friend, is the hardest part in the younger years.  (If you have teenagers, please don’t remind me that it gets harder as time goes by!)  I am really doing my best to think positively and believe that there is a good chance all of this teaching and training we are doing today will sink in and take root before they are teens!  But we all know- kids have a mind of their own.  My prayer is that my daughters will adopt the mind of God- thinking Godly thoughts and acting in Godly ways.

Hence, the work laid out for me today is crucial.

In our home, (and as you know, we are homeschooling), we have been doing a lot more character development studies recently.

If I see a problem in heart or attitude that needs correcting, the first thing I want to do is go to the Word of God.  God’s Word literally is an anecdote to all problems, and there is a solution to every dilemma under the sun right in the Bible.  That’s why we have the Holy Spirit with us- He is living, He is breathing, He is working, He is real, and best of all, He is IN us who believe!

So, I simply take the Scripture and apply it to their situation (for my 8 year old, mostly).  If we keep having a character problem or a particular issue that constant verbal correction doesn’t solve, we are now tackling it from the angle of, “What does the Lord have to say about that?  Go bring your Bible, and look up the Scripture, read it to me, write it down in your notebook, and then let’s talk.”

Let me tell you, this is bringing about massive changes (and I haven’t even touched on the consequences chart yet!)

I have been getting some of my ideas from Lisa Welchel’s Creative Correction:

Here’s a video by Lisa about this book:

Right now, for my 2 year old, discipline is as basic, primitive and rudimentary as it comes.  But that doesn’t mean she can’t understand when God is happy.  She will often tell me (after doing something fabulous like picking up the toys from the living room floor), “Mommy, you happy?  God is happy?” and she will skip cheerily away, just knowing that she’s done a good thing.

Kids know, even at the very tender ages of 1 and 2.  So, it’s never too young or too early to start them on the Truth of God’s Word for instruction.

And the biggest thing is- correcting and instructing in a spirit of Love (the way our Heavenly Father so patiently loves us).  I know, it takes a LOT of time to discipline that way.  To have children look up scripture pertaining to their heart attitude and then have a heart to heart with them, pray over them…that takes a lot of time.  It is oftentimes far easier to send them to time out, spank them, or take away a privilege.  But with those methods (none of which I criticize and some of which I use depending on the situation), there is real no connection that lets my kids know WHY what they did is wrong, and how our Heavenly Father FEELS about what they did.

So…

here I am printing out, cutting up, and creating little “correction cards” for our home school and parenting life, knowing that yet another new idea God has given me to help me out with my little ones will take some work and planning…

But in the end, I pray and I believe- it will all be worth it.

Parenting and Discipline/Balancing Act Book Club, pt. 3

Lori Arriaga of Christian Women’s Resources joins me for a 3rd book club session on The Great Balancing Act, recorded in the summer of 2006.

Listen to us as we discuss the art of disciplining our children and parenting.

 

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Interview with Diane Overgard

In 2007,  interviewed Diane Overgard, Certified Family Life Educator, Adult Education Specialist, and author of several parenting books to be used in small groups.  Additionally, Diane helps her clients through  life coaching sessions.

Diane and co-author Janice Rubin wrote “Let’s Talk Parenting”.

Listen in as Diane tells all about parenting from a child development and godly perspective.

 

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Internet Safey 101- The 700 Club Speaks Out

It absolutely makes my heart ache to know how many children have been trapped in the snare of child pornography or have been abducted due to online affairs.

Internet safety has been a tremendous problem for our youth for the past decade– but things have progressively become worst, with more exposure to the web through cell phones, ipods, video game controllers, laptops, etc.  Younger and younger children are toting cell phones with internet accessibility and more children are being exposed to independent  computer usage (computers in their bedrooms, for example).

In our home, we limit computer usage for our 7 year old to education based software and sites that we deem safe.  There is no computer in her room and I or her father have to be present as she logs on and we type in the direct URL to the website or start up the software.  This is only the tip of the iceberg regarding safety…

I thought this segment of today’s 700 Club exposed many of the dangers that the web CAN bring to our kids – including two of the most dreaded:

• child abduction
• pornography

I am glad that more awareness is being made about the issues and that parents are becoming more aware of how to protect our kids online.

Thank GOD for organizations who are helping to inform parents about this!!!

Jesus, My Valentine

I am sitting here alone in my office, relaxing to soft worship and blogging, while my wonderful husband is taking care of the kids and cooking up a yummy spaghetti dinner for us.

(You don’t have to tell me twice…I know I have a great husband! And on this Valentine’s Day this is probably the greatest gift from him I could have asked for).

But as I sit here, I am listening to the sounds of my family, and the most repetitive sound I hear is my toddler’s ambitious squeals and stubborn “no’s”.

And while my husband deals with all of this tonight, I remind myself that as we both traipse the journey of life called “parenting”, that it is only for a season.  And it is during this season that we must be so careful to impart wisdom, not only to our older kids, but to our little ones as well.

I am thinking of obedience, and God’s calling for us to be in submission to proper authority: Himself.

How beautiful is the picture of the family whose children obey out of love, rather than fear.  I have yet to see a picture perfect family….no one that I know of has perfected this craft.  The generation in which we live is a difficult time in which to raise truly obedient and godly children.

But I believe, with the wisdom of God’s word, the fervency to stand strong and not waiver from His truth, and lot of splashes of true parental love and commitment, we can make it happen for our kids.

And yes, even for our little ones.

So when I hear my toddler getting into some of her typical trouble around the corner, I simply think about all of the many, many times my Heavenly Father has so patiently led me by the hand back to His throne.

“No, Demetria,” He would say to me.  “Not right now”.

Or…

“No, my Dear.  This is not good for you.  I have something else for you at a later time.  Step away from it”.   And gently, yet firmly, He grabs my hand and leads me steadily away into the safety of His loving care…

And with time, guess what?

I grow up.  I mature.  And I begin to actually SEE the promises that He had in store for me all the time!  And it is in those moments that I am ever amazed at His goodness.

That my Father could tell me “no” in order to tell me “yes” baffles me beyond belief.

The fact that my Heavenly Father loves me so much He is willing to tell me “no”, despite my temporary broken heart, in order that His promises of “yes and amen” should be manifest in my life when I am ready to receive the full blessing is nothing short of…

A Valentine’s gift.

I am so glad that Jesus loves and cares for us more than we can imagine.

Whether you are parenting an ambitious and stubborn toddler, attempting to love a spouse through a broken relationship, or suffering through the loss of a loved one this Valentine’s Day, I want to remind you that Jesus loves you dearly.

As we obey Him and submit to His love for us, we’ll find that Jesus is our Valentine, not just on February 14th,  but every day of the year.

Christian working moms- what does the bible have to say?

This has been a topic of debate for centuries…but it really need not be.  Sometimes we find ourselves taking on the role of the Holy Spirit for other people, when God has the lives of others already mapped out for them.  We just need to step back and let God do His work in their lives.

But for moms who non-judgmentally just want to know “what does God REALLY think about me working when I have kids at home?”, there is a valid answer and solution for you too.

I have gone through this decision-making process and it was a bigger journey for me than for some.  My decision was made based on several circumstances that provided me the way to be back home with my child, but it didn’t happen all at once.  So, for a few years I was a working mom who spent the majority of my day away from my child and home life.  Now that I am home, I take on working roles of a different nature.

I know what it feels like to be on both sides of the fence.

I also know that it’s not cool to hear moms bash each other over working versus not working.  Especially Christian mothers.  The mommy wars should come to a halt.  My life looks very different than yours, laid out before God, and He will route each of us in different directions.

As far as what is best for the kids…that is essentially a family dynamic that has to be played out individually.  In other words, what works perfectly in my life may not work so well in yours.  I personally felt it was best for MY kids for me to be home with them at this stage in their lives.  I may not always feel that way as they get older.  I also know of Christian moms who feel that working while they are younger is best for their kids so that when their children are older, they can retire and spend most of their days at home with their teenagers, keeping a closer eye on them.

Here is a wonderfully articulate article by Kimberly Chastain, which explains her view on what the bible has to say about working versus staying home with children.

What Does the Bible Say About Christian Working Moms?
by Kimberly Chastain
I have received many heartfelt emails from women asking me, “Where in the Bible does it say, a woman cannot work outside the home?” Another comment, where are scriptural articles that do not condemn? I often quickly reply the Bible does not say a woman cannot work outside the home. Many of the women in the Bible were leaders among women and men. Deborah was basically a military commander.
Let’s look at the Proverbs 31 woman. This woman is often held up as the prime example of a Godly woman. Here is a list of the many tasks the Proverbs 31 women completes:
Selects wool and flax and works with eager hands
She brings her food from afar
She gets up while it is dark and provides food for her families and servant girls
Buys a field and out of earnings plants a vineyard
Arms are strong for tasks
Her trading is profitable; lamp does not go out at night
Grasps the spindle with her fingers
Opens her arms to the poor and needy
Keeps children clothed
Makes bedding
Makes clothes for herself
Makes linen garments and sells them
Faithful instruction is on her tongue
Watches over affairs of the household

When I look at all this woman did, frankly I get exhausted. This woman is definitely a working Mom. She is an administrator, overseeing her servants. She is selling goods she has made herself and the scripture says she is profitable. Also, she buys a field out of her own earnings. Thus, this woman is making money in order to purchase the field. One verse I think we all can relate to is the phrase, “her lamp does not go out at night”. Certainly, we all have stayed up late trying to complete various projects.

Let me make another observation as well. This woman’s work was outside of the home. From the description in this chapter it infers that her work is often at the front gates or in another field. So, she often had to leave home in order to work. I would imagine she took her children with her to work or maybe she and another woman watched each other’s children. I think that is hard to know for sure.

There were women in the Bible who were successful businesswomen. Remember, Lydia in the New Testament, she was a seller of purple cloth. One commentary I read said she had considerable wealth, because she was able to give a home to Paul and his companions. Now, I don’t know if Lydia had children or not, but she obviously was a successful businesswoman.

Many women in the Old and New Testament were very good at managing their homes. Women in the Old Testament would keep the home fires burning while their husband was off to war. Women even in the Bible were multi-tasking and had many roles to fill. Also, probably most of them were teaching their children as well. So, we could say some women in the Bible were Working Moms and home schooling as well. You think we have it tough!!!

When you look at the Proverbs 31 woman see what the writer has to say about her. Proverbs 31:28-31, “Her children arise and call her blessed: her husband also, and he praises her: Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” The woman was praised for all her roles, not just mother or wife, but her role as a worker as well.

There are several verses that are often used to say women cannot work outside the home. The first is 1 Timothy 5:14, “So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.” The part of the verse used is to manage their home. Ask any CWM if they are managing their home. They will tell you all the many things they manage. You can manage your home whether you stay at home or not. You can also delegate specific tasks, i.e. childcare, etc. This verse does not specify how to manage your home, just that it is managed. The second verse that is often used to say women cannot work outside the home is Titus 2:4-5, “Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” The part of the verse that is used to encourage women to stay at home is to be busy at home. Moms whether they work outside the home or not are busy at home. Also, women who work outside the home can still be submissive to their husbands. I also see the busy at home relating back to the Timothy verse about managing the home. Ultimately, it is the women’s responsibility to manage the workings of the home. Does that mean she has to do everything in the home? No. It is her responsibility to manage the home and delegate chores to people in the home or people that work for her. Look again at the Proverbs 31 women she had servants that she managed. I imagine those servants were doing chores for the home.

Sister Christian Working Moms I cannot find any verse in the Bible that says a woman cannot work outside the home. If you can find one, please let me know. The idea of a mother not working outside the home is a relatively new concept. Actually, it is considered a luxury in most parts of the world. Often women in the history of the United States have worked outside the home. During World War II many Moms were working outside the home. So, the idea that generations of children are being harmed by mothers working outside the home is just not true. Moms have been working very hard at home and outside the home for many years and centuries, for that matter.

Please do not here me criticize stay at home Moms. There has been so much hurt on both sides of the working Mom battle. In fact, I think Satan has used this issue to divide women in the church. If you will carefully read the Bible, God worked in many people’s lives in many different ways. We see Deborah as a military commander, Lydia – a seller of purple cloth, Ruth and Naomi as widows, Esther – a rescuer of the Jewish nation and the list goes on. I think each family has to make a choice for themselves as what is best for them with direction from God. There is not a Biblical mandate to stay at home or work. Sometimes there is no choice and women must work outside the home and they should not be made to feel guilty for helping support their families. The Bible’s message is timeless and covers all cultures. So, I think it would be wrong to tell a Mom with children starving in a third world country that she should not work outside the home and find food for her child. You may think that argument is ridiculous, but if no Mom should work outside the home then that should apply to all Moms. Closely related to this point is the millions of single Christian Working Moms who are working to support their children and do not receive child support. Are they not to work outside the home? Each family has to make the choice that is best for them and one size does not fit all. If a family chooses to make the choice for a Mom to work outside the home they should take comfort in the knowledge that the Bible does not say a Mom cannot work outside the home.

In conclusion, you may all ready know deep down that scripture does not prevent a Mom from working outside the home. Yet, how do you handle the pressure from people at church or others who “make” you feel guilty. Ultimately, all Christians are to serve God and not man. I would challenge you to ask people to show you the Bible verses that say you cannot work outside the home. The Bible is where we get our answers from and our guidance. Secondly, I would encourage you to pray about your decision and ask for clear direction and peace for your decision. Third, once you have made your decision do not spend time worrying and fretting about your decision. We are told to cast all our anxiety on Him for he cares for us. Give your worry to God and leave it there. Fourthly, a caution to men as well as women, our priorities always have to be in order. God is first, family second, and then work is much farther down the priority list. No one should put their career ahead of God. In 1 Timothy he talked about managing the home. We all need to keep our priorities straight.

My ultimate prayer is women whether working or not would come together and agree we all want to raise Godly children who worship and glorify our God. That is something we can agree on whether we stay at home or work outside the home. God wants us to come together as sisters in Christ to teach our children to be worshippers of God. The ground is level at the cross and there is not a separate section for working Moms and stay at home Moms. God loves us all the same. Please hear that last point, God loves us all the same. I had one Christian Working Mom write me to say sometimes it just feels that God loves the stay at home Moms more. I heard her painful comment and wept when I read it. God loves you dear sister and what He wants most is for all of us to glorify Him in everything we do, whether we work outside the home or not.

Kimberly is a Licensed Family and Marriage Therapist and a Professional Life Coach. Visit Kimberly at www.christianworkingmom.com

Life Management for Busy Woman, session 2

On this episode with writer and entrepreneur LaTara Ham-Ying, I discuss some disciplines of putting for the effort to spend time with the Lord.

Using our Book Club selection “Life Management for Busy Women“, We talk about how to balance out our lives as busy, Christian women, so that we are able to spend time reading and meditating on God’s Word.

 

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Developing a Passion for God’s Word- 1st CLTR show

This is the very first episode of Christian Ladies Talk Radio aired online in May 2005.

Christian Ladies Connect was in the middle of a Book Club talk session on Elizabeth George’s “Life Management for Busy Women”.

I talk about developing a passion for the Word of God and finding time, especially FIRST time and EARLY time with the Lord.  As Christian women, it can be difficult to carve out that important time with the Lord as we wish to.  However, in this episode I expose a few tips found in Elizabeth George’s book to help encourage us in that direction.

 

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Letter From The Editor – May/June 2009

Moms and dads everywhere: kudos to you. My hats are off to hard-working moms and dads all over the world, who sacrifice time, money, and energy, while giving the best of their love to a new breed that will one day rise up and be our future hope.

Though taxing at times, parenthood is one of the most satisfying jobs life could offer– or…um…at least that’s what I’ve heard from older moms and dads whose children are grown and are now raising kids of their own!  Personally, I’m still in the very early stages of motherhood- parenting a voracious toddler and homeschooling a knowledge-thirsty 6 1/2 year old (yes, that’s six and one half, as she so adamantly reminds me).  And, yes, I do find those moments of satisfaction and joy.  Especially when they’re asleep!

All kidding aside, motherhood is a tough job, but so worth every ounce of energy spent.  With Mother’s Day and Father’s Day soon approaching, this issue offers many insights into what it means to be a Christian mom.

Our feature story is an interview I conducted with Marilyn Hontz, author of Shame Lifter. She’ll tell us all about how God has transformed her life of shame and guilt into one of freedom and peace.

Our brand new columnists are awesome women with a great passion to help God’s women accept our identity and embrace our destiny.

• Sommer Tucker helps us get back into shape this spring with a short, but easy exercise regime: boot camp style.
• In Mommy’s Helper, Robin O’Bryant offers us a scintillating view of how humorous motherhood can be, while we learn to trust God through the mundane tasks of parenting small children.
• Then head on over to Diane Overgard’s article as she coaches the single mother who has to juggle a fun date night and somewhat conflicting thoughts of being a parent-Mom Is Dating? Are You Kidding Me?
• Need help mixing parenting with entrepreneurship? Laurie Neumann gives us some tips on how to develop a strategy to achieve both.
• If you are now in the stage of your life that many grandmothers attest to, you will be inspired by Ruth McMillan Mayfield’s article on Becoming A Grandma With Vitality
• Read about how God is there for us at all times in Every Day Encounters With God
• Learn to make peace with the father of your children in a divorced situation

This issue is packed with personal stories, helpful information for moms, and practical parenting tips…

Whether a full time college student, a mom of small kids, a divorcee, or a grandmother, this issue is bound to have something for you.

Enjoy!